Combat fatigued mums
Sydney Morning Herald
Thursday July 16, 2009
In 2009, I defy any mother to go out and find a pair of pyjamas for an 11-year-old boy that doesn't use the army fatigue or camouflage motif. I don't know about you but when I tuck my little boy in bed at night, I want to send him off to the land of dreams, not the killing fields.The Government's new White Paper on defence heralds big spending. Has the Government seen a future where today's kids will grow up very comfortable with the idea of donning a uniform for their country? The children's section of every store is full of army fatigue and camouflage pyjamas, dressing gowns, socks, sheet sets, blankets and doona covers. Wrapped in the very fabric of the military each night of their childhood, these boys won't be at all surprised when their country calls. They'll be dressed and ready to go. Do parents give this any thought as they leave their child's bunker, I mean bedroom?I have spent weeks scouring the far corners of my local Westfield on a mission. After some initial reconnaissance, I gathered intelligence and realised this was not going to be easy. Clearly the look for this season is "conflict wear". It took many sorties but I finally located a pair of pyjamas that was not military fatigues and did not feature any kind of goodie or baddie. There, strategically hidden among the camouflage and combatants, was my target: a lonely pair of pyjamas in a checked fabric.That night, I briefed my son on his new pyjamas. His eyes lit up in anticipation until he saw them. He gave me a look. I know that look. It was the one he had on his face when he was seven when he said to me "Do I look like someone who wears checks?" I was prepared for this offensive and I fought back with all barrels. I gave him a look that said: "Listen kid. You can go to school without breakfast. You can watch TV at homework time. But you are not, I repeat not, going to bed wearing army fatigues. And if you say one word, I'll go ballistic!" He backed off. So as I tucked my darling into bed in his anachronistic checks, he looked like a little old man in a nursing home. That's fine with me.Of course, I mustn't just declare war on pyjamas. Pants, tops, coats, board shorts, hats, beanies, sneakers, bags, wallets, watches, shoelaces, drink bottles all standard army issue. So your son will always be appropriately dressed and equipped for his next campaign, I mean activity. And let's not forget pink camouflage for the girls because manufacturers of children's clothing always strive to be politically correct. I'm actually thinking of designing a fashion collection for newborns. If kindergarten is not too early to prepare children for the HSC, then the moment of birth could be the first stage of the army recruitment process. Dog tags could replace plastic hospital identity bracelets (pink and blue, of course). How about camouflage dummies: "Welcome to the world. Now suck on this!"Having found the checked pyjamas, I can now rest and regroup. But don't be surprised if you look in the dictionary any time soon and find a new definition for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome: the exhaustion suffered by parents who are forced to spend inordinate amounts of time going from shop to shop trying to find civilian clothing for their children.
© 2009 Sydney Morning Herald